What counsellors in Asia should know about working with parents

Rote learning continues to dominate many classrooms across Asia, even as education systems in the West have shifted towards the application of skills, critical thinking, problem-solving and other student-led methods. 

The assessment culture in Asia can also appear inflated, with many students achieving 80 per cent or higher with relative ease. As a result, the space for truly outstanding students narrows, reinforcing a culture of perfectionism among both students and the parents who support them.

This focus on high-stakes testing and memory recall does not encourage the development of the 21st-century thinking skills that are highly valued by international universities. Instead, it maintains an outdated metric of success that places pressure on students and educators to prioritise test scores over learning depth, adaptability and holistic development.

Sources of pressure

A further layer of pressure stems from the traditional expectation of honour within the family, which is often linked to academic excellence. Perceived failure can bring a sense of shame, not only to the student but across the wider family unit. 

Additionally, the longstanding role of education as a pathway for social mobility continues to influence parental expectations. Careers seen as stable and prestigious, such as medicine, law and engineering, are often encouraged regardless of a child’s individual strengths or interests. 

This preference is shaped by a historical context where limited career opportunities meant that such professions were seen as reliable routes not only to social mobility but to financial stability.

Outdated expectations

Many parents take a very proactive role in their child’s academic journey, which is rooted in a sincere wish for their child’s success. However, these good intentions can sometimes lead to friction when their expectations are built on outdated or inaccurate perceptions of international education systems.

With parental perceptions often shaped by their own educational experiences, counsellors may encounter a high level of pushback. Parents might demand certain subjects, grades or pathways for their children that do not align with their child’s strengths or goals or international university requirements.

For example, in Vietnam there remains a strong belief that all students should study mathematics through to A level, regardless of career aspirations or university subject choices. This perspective can limit students’ exposure to other subjects that could better align with their future career goals, with one of just three A-level subject slots taken up unnecessarily. 

When is an A grade not an A grade?

Students choosing to engage with international curricula, such as A levels, in order to gain access to international universities, may face additional challenges when their parents struggle to interpret the rigour and grading of these programmes. A grade of 70 per cent in a local Vietnamese exam may be considered underwhelming. But the same score in an A-level chemistry paper could correspond to an A or A* grade – an outstanding result that meets the criteria for top-tier international universities. 

This disconnect can cause concern or dissatisfaction among parents unfamiliar with global academic standards, placing additional strain on counsellors working to mediate between these expectations and student realities.

The influence of parents, shaped by longstanding cultural expectations, and the broader historical context of education in the region can significantly shape academic offerings in schools. A strong emphasis on traditionally prestigious subjects, such as mathematics and the sciences, often stems from historical norms linking these fields with job security and social mobility. This cultural bias can restrict the availability and perceived value of other disciplines such as art, media and literature.

As a result, students might face limited subject choices from the outset of their schooling, which in turn narrows their exposure to alternative interests and potential career paths. For guidance counsellors, this means working with a reduced range of subjects, ultimately limiting the post-secondary options and university pathways they can realistically support.

Reshaping perceptions of education

Counsellors in Asia hold a significant role in reshaping deep-seated perceptions of education – particularly the belief that maths and science are the only pathways to success. It is our responsibility to gradually steer this narrative towards a broader, more inclusive understanding of subject choices and career possibilities. This shift cannot happen overnight, but counsellors must be proactive, strategic and culturally sensitive in their efforts.

Building strong networks with universities is essential. By staying closely connected to current trends and expectations from higher education institutions, counsellors can become a front-line resource, introducing students and families to new subject areas and emerging fields. These professional relationships allow counsellors to demystify lesser-known courses and pathways, helping families make informed decisions that prioritise student interest and long-term fulfilment.

Equally important is the counsellor’s role in working directly with parents. Hosting regular workshops and one-on-one sessions provides crucial opportunities to explain not only the demands of international curricula and the value of skills over grades, but to challenge longstanding cultural assumptions around education. Counsellors must walk a delicate line between respecting cultural norms and encouraging openness to more modern, globally aligned educational approaches.

At the same time, counsellors must empower students to take greater ownership of their academic journey. This involves coaching them on how to make subject selections that align with their interests and goals, even in the face of parental pressure. Workshops on personal statements, university expectations and the development of soft skills, such as problem-solving and critical thinking, can give students the tools they need to succeed. In many instances, counsellors will act as mediators, navigating difficult conversations between students and parents, and ensuring that both parties feel heard and supported.

Counsellors in Asia have the power to initiate a gradual yet impactful transformation, dismantling outdated norms, including the entrenched belief in achievement at all costs. 

While the role comes with inevitable challenges, it also presents exciting opportunities. With persistence and sensitivity, we can encourage a shift that benefits not only individual students and families but the broader educational landscape across the region.